I have a house phone and I have a mobile phone. Everyone important to me and worth talking to only have my mobile number, the house phone is just there because it came with the internet. The only people that ever ring that phone are salesmen trying to talk to me about my non-existent PPIs (I have no idea what they are…) or entice me with new double glazing. At first I would answer them, get annoyed and hang up, and then I just started to ignore them, now I love them.
Now I can’t wait to receive calls to my house phone because it allows me the chance to channel my obsession with talking in silly voices and unleash my vocal acting skills. My skits with these people are becoming more embellished and amusing over time.
It started with a simple “Hello?! My Mummy and Daddy aren’t home right now, bubbye!” in a child’s voice, followed by a prompt hanging up.
I then became an old lady with a hearing problem, constantly asking them to repeat stuff and silently mumbling to myself about my hearing aid playing up again. They soon get tired and hang up on me, which I think is a bit cruel to the old lady.
My latest and greatest has been a conversation involving two characters from me and the poor unsuspecting salesman. And it went a little something like this (You’ll have to apologise, I can’t exactly remember what the salesman said because I was too involved in my own characters)
-cue ringing phone-
Toddler’s voice: “Heelloooo!”
Salesman: “Hello, could I speak to Mrs. X please?”
Toddler’s voice: *giggle* “MUMMY!!! THERE’S A PERSON ON THE PHONE!”
Toddler’s voice: “Mummy’s just coming…”
Mum’s voice: *muffled in the background* “Abby, I’ve told you not to answer the phone. Pass it to me and play with your toys”
-pretend to take the phone from the pretend toddler with a pretend sigh-
Mum’s voice: “Hello?”
Salesman: “Hi, is that Mrs. X?”
Mum’s voice: “Yes, this is—- Abby, no, put that down, you’ll break it, come here!”
Salesman: *tries to talk, but keeps getting interrupted by the mischievous Abby mumbles*
Mum’s voice: “Look I’m sorry, I can’t talk I hav—-“
It was long and unnecessary, I’ll admit but it amuses me for 5 minutes and I like to make it a little bit more adventurous every time. I’m hoping to eventually up it to 3 characters next time to really stretch myself.
So yes, in the future – remember, if you want to have a conversation with me you need to call my mobile otherwise you’ll face the likes of Abby or the Old Lady!