I feel like I’ve lost my sense of belonging. I’m an outsider lost in limbo. Older than half the people around me but with the knowledge of a youngun’. I’m not a part of anything and I have no one to identify with, I feel quite lonely and lacking in something to put my abilities to the test. Maybe I should except hopes as empty and put myself to the test instead. Read, read, read and train myself so I can feel more competent. Stop feeling like the victim of the situation and make myself the champion.
It’s going to take drive, dedication and determination. I can’t let this rut get to me and I’m not sure why age has suddenly hit me, I feel like the behind child in class, struggling to catch up with the other kids.
Or, as I described to the Squishy Lamb; in a room fully of chatty French people, where I can understand the odd phrase but get frustrated that I can’t participate in the whole conversation.
I know it’s all about patience but I’m worried I’m always going to be behind now and I’ve started getting annoyed at my past self for not figuring out what I wanted to do sooner.