Searching for answers through these pages of binary,
While my troubles become blurred with help of the winery.
But now my glass is empty and so are my hopes,
In moments like these I don’t know how anyone copes.
My loneliness is amplified with each stroke of the board.
The silence is deafening and can’t be ignored.
It all feels dramatic and I hate that about this.
I hide all the photos so I don’t reminisce.
Though my lips are sealed, my fingers are frantic;
Overthinking my actions and all the semantics.
So maybe it’s time I let these pixels rest,
Put a cork in it and hope for the best.
Things…….have happened, recently.
Well, maybe ‘bad things’ isn’t the correct label, more like changing things. Things with an unknown direction. Things that are going to create a lot of twists, turns and bumps. And while I may not be completely comfortable talking about the specifics of these things at the moment, they are still things, my things, and they have triggered a shift in my brain.
Through the tears, the laughter, the anger and confusion, I’ve realised that I really need to do some ‘mental maintenance’. If I don’t nip things in the bud, I am going to become a person I don’t want to be and I don’t want to have to look to medication to muffle the chaos. So, in the momentum of these changing winds I have taken it upon myself to improve my state of mind, find a new sense of calm and experience some clarity. Lady Anxiety has played too much of a leading role in my movie and it’s time for her to step out of the spotlight.
Although it is still early days, I am slowly but surely absorbing and embracing some of the tips, tricks and habits of mindfulness. And I have to say; it is quite delightful. Yes, I might be approaching it a bit haphazardly (as I typically do with most things) I am still feeling the benefit. For someone with a heavy overthinking addiction, it’s been gloriously shoulder-relaxing to channel my focus into something beneficial. I’m realising that the things I once enjoyed have silently slipped out of my weekly routine, lost to panic and tiredness, which is why I make my return to the blog. It has been months since I’ve written more than 20 words for myself. I can already feel my fingers twitching to ramble about nonsense again…
With that I bring you Mindful Dog Stroking! – fun for all the family! Well, for Orson (the chunky brown bear) and me! Yes, his beefy happy face is fantastically calming in its own right, but adding mindfulness to the mix has made our ‘Mother and Son’ bonding even more relaxing. In return for my thoughtful grooming and fuss, Orson has been teaching me to appreciate the little things in life; the smell of trees, the squeak of a toy or the crunch of a biscuit. And while I may not start sniffing lamp-posts anytime soon, I am learning to stop and appreciate the nuances of everyday life, one breath at a time.