Tag Archives: dog

Self-‘Reel’flection

ac3659e5d8c327a258129fc2073b70b6I discovered this quote the other day, prompting me to go on a miniature journey of self-discovery.

What would the 1,172 photos lurking in my phone’s memory say about me?

On occasion I will skim over my albums, just to pass some time when internet connection is low or to remind myself what I’ve actually done recently, but other than that I have never really properly looked at them and pondered what they say about me.

So, I decided to look over the last 6 months (nothing more because it would take me a month of Sundays!) to see what I supposedly ‘fear losing most’. And well, yeah, hmm, there were definite trends in my photos…among the myriad of curios and other miscellaneous visuals there were 3 things that according to the quote I am scared to live without:

  1. Orson
  2. My face
  3. Drink

Now I really didn’t know what to make of this… I mean, yep, I can completely understand Orson, my little chocolately bundle of insane is most definitely something I need in my life, he reminds me to be loopy and enjoy everything!! Especially food…

As for my face, I wasn’t sure how I felt at first… there was some momentary guilt that I was this crazy little narcissistic demon but after some further thought and staring into my own eyes, I decided I’m OK with it. I like my face. My brain can be a little chaotic most of the time…toing and froing, upping and down, inning and outing, your typical roller-coaster, but my face is always there; consistent, with all the bits where they should be and usually with a hint of a smile, and that helps me feel more confident even on my down days. I do spend a lot of time and money keeping my face looking, well, like my face. While yes, it’s nice to get appreciation from others, I do a lot of it for myself. It’s my own transportable canvas and I find the process of ‘tending’ to it completely calming.

And then there’s the drinks……….I have no explanation for this. I didn’t realise until I did this actually how many pictures of drinks I take. I’ve never thought they held any special significance to me, they’re just drinks! However, it appears I’ve held some undiscovered obsession for some time. Maybe they’re speaking to my inner-magpie; the sparkling colourful liquids, I need them. But then, in reflection my drinks are a very accurate indicator of my mood. Now that I think about it – all of my drink selections are based on how I feel. If I’m drinking tea during the day it means I’m feeling tired, tired and probably in need of a hug. Lucozade Orange is the red flag of a post-sleepless-night day; I’m probably going to be a bit dazed and scatty. Grenadine and lemonade is my happy drink and has been for 20 or so years. The list goes on but I won’t bore you with the details.

It’s been an interesting little investigation that’s probably going to leave me pondering things for the afternoon and thinking a little more about each click I take in the future. But for now, I’ll just leave you with this visual sneak-peak of the things my camera claims I fear losing.

Collage

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Mindful Dog Stroking and Things

Things…….have happened, recently.

Bad things.

Well, maybe ‘bad things’ isn’t the correct label, more like changing things. Things with an unknown direction. Things that are going to create a lot of twists, turns and bumps. And while I may not be completely comfortable talking about the specifics of these things at the moment, they are still things, my things, and they have triggered a shift in my brain.

Through the tears, the laughter, the anger and confusion, I’ve realised that I really need to do some ‘mental maintenance’. If I don’t nip things in the bud, I am going to become a person I don’t want to be and I don’t want to have to look to medication to muffle the chaos. So, in the momentum of these changing winds I have taken it upon myself to improve my state of mind, find a new sense of calm and experience some clarity. Lady Anxiety has played too much of a leading role in my movie and it’s time for her to step out of the spotlight.

-Cue Mindfulness-

Although it is still early days, I am slowly but surely absorbing and embracing some of the tips, tricks and habits of mindfulness. And I have to say; it is quite delightful. Yes, I might be approaching it a bit haphazardly (as I typically do with most things) I am still feeling the benefit. For someone with a heavy overthinking addiction, it’s been gloriously shoulder-relaxing to channel my focus into something beneficial. I’m realising that the things I once enjoyed have silently slipped out of my weekly routine, lost to panic and tiredness, which is why I make my return to the blog. It has been months since I’ve written more than 20 words for myself. I can already feel my fingers twitching to ramble about nonsense again…

With that I bring you Mindful Dog Stroking!Dog – fun for all the family! Well, for Orson (the chunky brown bear) and me! Yes, his beefy happy face is fantastically calming in its own right, but adding mindfulness to the mix has made our ‘Mother and Son’ bonding even more relaxing. In return for my thoughtful grooming and fuss, Orson has been teaching me to appreciate the little things in life; the smell of trees, the squeak of a toy or the crunch of a biscuit. And while I may not start sniffing lamp-posts anytime soon, I am learning to stop and appreciate the nuances of everyday life, one breath at a time.

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Woof.

On Tuesday I got on the train and sat next to an old man with a beard, he had a dog the size of a horse (I’ll admit, the dog was the reason I sat there so I could say hello to him) and he started sniffing my leg (the dog, not the man), the man asked if I had a dog, I said yes and carried on stroking the dog.

When the train started moving again, the old man grabbed his crutches and got up, leaving the dog attached by his lead to the chair, I pressume he was going to the toilet, he didn’t say but instead just wandered off, leaving me unknowingly in charge of the dog.

This was all well and good until the food cart started rolling down the walkway, towards this brickwall of a dog that didn’t seem in any hurry to move out of the way.  There was no sign of the old man returning any time soon, everyone else avoided eye contact (as the British do) so I decided I would try and move the dog. With the aid of a squeaky voice, forceful nudging and other weird noises that I’m sure confused the dog as well as those around me, I managed to get him to sit under the table so the food cart could pass.

I thought my job had been done but oh no, the dog had other ideas; he came wandering out from the table and plonked himself next to me. I gave him a stroke and then sat back.

He whined.
I stroked him again.woof
He whined.
I stroked.
He whined.

Stroke.

Whine.

I ignored him, thinking that was just what he did.
He whined and pawed my leg.

I had made a new friend…

For the next 15 minutes I stroked this dog (not that I was complaining, I bloomin’ love dogs) in fear that he would kick me in the leg again.

The owner hadn’t come back at this time, but then he was on crutches and the toilets were pretty far away… but my stop was approaching and I had to make my way off. For a couple of minutes I contemplated staying on the train and missing my stop just so I could stay with the dog. (I also thought about taking the dog, thinking the old man had left him for me.)
As I got up and walked away, he looked at me with sadness and with a little whine… I felt like such a bastard!

I stepped off the train and we never saw each other again. I really hope his owner came back soon.

I miss that dog, he made my week.

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Adios April!

This post has demonstrated to me that I have far too much time on my hands, so I am determined to make May the productive month, kicking off with a level-up in the aging process next week. But I still have 14 hours of April left so I am back to experimenting with ways I can utilise the endless streams of useless photos I own, instead of letting them just reside as megabyte thieves.

Collage

Monday – Ah yes, Monday… going by this photo I can tell you Monday was not very productive at all and this photo proves to be the most exciting and productive thing to come out of it. I applaud my dogs patience sometimes, especially as I told him to wait while I took a photo.

Tuesday – Now, I was going to lie here but I already feel uncomfortable at the thought of it so I’m going to tell you the truth… this photo wasn’t taken on Tuesday, it was taken on Saturday but Tuesday was spent lounging in my pyjamas and nobody needs to see a photo of that. But I’m not just showing you a random picture of my shoes, I did buy these on Saturday and yes, I’ll admit they look like ordinary shoes (I’m probably hamming this up a lot more than I probably should be…) but you see those laces…. they took me 45 minutes to lace! It consists of two ribbons of different lengths and a lot of patience. They are just so pretty but now I’m too scared to wear them in the fear all my hard work will unravel!

Wednesday – The night of cocktails and sisterly advice. My brother invited me out for a meal organised by a charity for the ‘cancer crew’, which is a gather of all the young people in our area going through cancer treatment. My brother had never been on one of these before and he’s not the biggest talker, whereas I am, so he invited me along to do my social bumblebee bit! And it was great, I think it was nice for him to see he wasn’t the only youngun’ having to deal with all the treatment nonsense. It was great for both of us when we shared some cocktails and got to have a nice brother-sister chat when everyone left!

Thursday – I’m starting to worry about this new tree obsession…it was a sunny day and we had taken The Orson out to the forest to roam the land, pretending to be a mighty hunting dog, when really he couldn’t find a tennis ball if you waved it in his face. But I became really fascinated (I’m ashamed to say…) with stumps of huge fallen trees. Animals had obviously burrowed under them and made new homes but they made me feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland and I was half tempted to go hunting for the white rabbit! Unfortunately, I think if I had done that, at best I would’ve been faced with an angry badger, not an unpunctual bunny.

Friday – This is me pretending to look forlorn and deep. When really I was just bored on the train, with a camera in my hand. This happens more than I care to admit, but still, I like this photo.

Saturday – I got assessment feedback on Friday that made me really happy, but it made me so happy I kept rereading it on Saturday….and sunday…and yesterday… and today…. I’ve never gotten such praise for my school work in all my years and the fact that the lecturer even wrote ‘WOW!’ just made me even more giddy. Allow me a moment to bask in my nerdiness.

Sunday – We went to a place called ‘The Food Factory’, which as the name suggests wasn’t the finest of dining experiences… the food wasn’t bad, but then it wasn’t exactly good either. It was edible. What did amuse me was the sign warning me that egg fried rice contained egg, which did make me understand a bit better what kind of customers they attract… Why have a taken a picture of the air vent? Well, every time I see these at places I stare at them a bit longer than I should in the hope that one day I will see Bruce Willis scrambling through it, I’m not sure what I will do should that day happen but it doesn’t stop me waiting. The day ended with what looks like me drinking wine with my eye and pretending to lick the Squishy Lamb, the way all weeks should end…

Oh, and that plane you see there… I made that plane and it is amazing. It flies and it even does somersaulting flight tricks. This made so happy I yelped in the ‘factory’, causing everyone to look at me with confused concern…

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