WittyDi:“So… Laptop, Brain and Fingers, you’ve had the past 3 hours to create a magnificent essay, what do you have to show for yourself?”
LBF:“…Uhh… I umm… It umm…we umm… didn’t finish the essay…”
WittyDi:“No you didn’t… What did you actually accomplish?”
LBF:“……………………………….we used powerpoint to construct a 50 page, multiple choice, multiple scenario, quiz game show based on gender stereotypes based on a random infographic we found, for no purpose other than I found it amusing…….”
WittyDi: “Bravo, you imbeciles.”
The Inspirational Procrastination:
Any knowing my luck, no one is actually going to play the game now… Well, no one except me!
Today we were walking through the cathedral grounds, I heard a helpless squeak and saw a crow swoop by with something in its feet, he landed in a tree, dropping what he had in his evil claws!
I saw a little mouse hobble away through the grass, exposed to the elements and the beady eyes of the crow peering down at him from the tree.
Well, I couldn’t very well leave the injured mouse to fend for himself (yes, even if it is the ‘circle of life’!). So I took off my cardi, picked him up, wrapped him up and held him to my chest (lucky mouse!!) while we made our journey home.
Luckily, my neighbours were well equipped with a variety of hamster cages, sawdust and food, and kind enough to lend it to me despite thinking I’m absolutely loco…
Cecil Jingles , seems quite the brave little soul, not scared of my face spying him through the plastic as he nibbles on a dried pea.
Unfortunately I’ve been told I’m only allowed to keep him until he is mended and then return him to his natural habitat. Hopefully, I can find him a nice girlfriend in that time…
On Tuesday I got on the train and sat next to an old man with a beard, he had a dog the size of a horse (I’ll admit, the dog was the reason I sat there so I could say hello to him) and he started sniffing my leg (the dog, not the man), the man asked if I had a dog, I said yes and carried on stroking the dog.
When the train started moving again, the old man grabbed his crutches and got up, leaving the dog attached by his lead to the chair, I pressume he was going to the toilet, he didn’t say but instead just wandered off, leaving me unknowingly in charge of the dog.
This was all well and good until the food cart started rolling down the walkway, towards this brickwall of a dog that didn’t seem in any hurry to move out of the way. There was no sign of the old man returning any time soon, everyone else avoided eye contact (as the British do) so I decided I would try and move the dog. With the aid of a squeaky voice, forceful nudging and other weird noises that I’m sure confused the dog as well as those around me, I managed to get him to sit under the table so the food cart could pass.
I thought my job had been done but oh no, the dog had other ideas; he came wandering out from the table and plonked himself next to me. I gave him a stroke and then sat back.
I ignored him, thinking that was just what he did.
He whined and pawed my leg.
I had made a new friend…
For the next 15 minutes I stroked this dog (not that I was complaining, I bloomin’ love dogs) in fear that he would kick me in the leg again.
The owner hadn’t come back at this time, but then he was on crutches and the toilets were pretty far away… but my stop was approaching and I had to make my way off. For a couple of minutes I contemplated staying on the train and missing my stop just so I could stay with the dog. (I also thought about taking the dog, thinking the old man had left him for me.)
As I got up and walked away, he looked at me with sadness and with a little whine… I felt like such a bastard!
I stepped off the train and we never saw each other again. I really hope his owner came back soon.
I miss that dog, he made my week.
Today I was painting, nothing exciting, just something destined for a cubby hole at the youth centre, while the young people milling around, drinking milkshakes and seeking shelter from the rain.
One of them looked a little glum, as though she’d been crying, not really in the mood to smile (which is unacceptable in my book), so my quick and nonsensical thinking led to the second she looked away and back at me I had painted a cat nose and whiskers on myself. From that point on she could not maintain a straight face and from her endless giggles I could tell my work had been done.
It even inspired her and her two friends to ask for the same feline upgrade! This was all well and good for them, they were being collected in a car by their mum, avoiding the stares of the general public. I however, still had a food shop to do and a train to catch…
But, not one to grasp the sensible; instead of washing it off I decided to embrace my inner (and outer) kitty and leave it on. Whenever I do things like this (more often than I should probably admit) I like to adopt a very serious and stern face, one that denotes a ‘no-nonsense’ attitude, a complete contrast to what the nonsense on my face suggests, which only confuses staring passers-by even further.
I enjoy their curious glances [insert cat killing pun here], but what I enjoy even more is the hope that someone who is having a really bad day, catches a peek at my curling poster paint whiskers and has their grey cloud knocked from their crown.
It makes my questionable behaviour worth embracing. So come on, smile meow!
PS. I am also confuddled to report that having cat whiskers painted on resulted in me not getting IDed for alcohol.
PPS. Having cat whiskers painted on also guarantees you your own pair of seats on the train!
I feel like I’ve lost my sense of belonging. I’m an outsider lost in limbo. Older than half the people around me but with the knowledge of a youngun’. I’m not a part of anything and I have no one to identify with, I feel quite lonely and lacking in something to put my abilities to the test. Maybe I should except hopes as empty and put myself to the test instead. Read, read, read and train myself so I can feel more competent. Stop feeling like the victim of the situation and make myself the champion.
It’s going to take drive, dedication and determination. I can’t let this rut get to me and I’m not sure why age has suddenly hit me, I feel like the behind child in class, struggling to catch up with the other kids.
Or, as I described to the Squishy Lamb; in a room fully of chatty French people, where I can understand the odd phrase but get frustrated that I can’t participate in the whole conversation.
I know it’s all about patience but I’m worried I’m always going to be behind now and I’ve started getting annoyed at my past self for not figuring out what I wanted to do sooner.
This post has demonstrated to me that I have far too much time on my hands, so I am determined to make May the productive month, kicking off with a level-up in the aging process next week. But I still have 14 hours of April left so I am back to experimenting with ways I can utilise the endless streams of useless photos I own, instead of letting them just reside as megabyte thieves.
Monday – Ah yes, Monday… going by this photo I can tell you Monday was not very productive at all and this photo proves to be the most exciting and productive thing to come out of it. I applaud my dogs patience sometimes, especially as I told him to wait while I took a photo.
Tuesday – Now, I was going to lie here but I already feel uncomfortable at the thought of it so I’m going to tell you the truth… this photo wasn’t taken on Tuesday, it was taken on Saturday but Tuesday was spent lounging in my pyjamas and nobody needs to see a photo of that. But I’m not just showing you a random picture of my shoes, I did buy these on Saturday and yes, I’ll admit they look like ordinary shoes (I’m probably hamming this up a lot more than I probably should be…) but you see those laces…. they took me 45 minutes to lace! It consists of two ribbons of different lengths and a lot of patience. They are just so pretty but now I’m too scared to wear them in the fear all my hard work will unravel!
Wednesday – The night of cocktails and sisterly advice. My brother invited me out for a meal organised by a charity for the ‘cancer crew’, which is a gather of all the young people in our area going through cancer treatment. My brother had never been on one of these before and he’s not the biggest talker, whereas I am, so he invited me along to do my social bumblebee bit! And it was great, I think it was nice for him to see he wasn’t the only youngun’ having to deal with all the treatment nonsense. It was great for both of us when we shared some cocktails and got to have a nice brother-sister chat when everyone left!
Thursday – I’m starting to worry about this new tree obsession…it was a sunny day and we had taken The Orson out to the forest to roam the land, pretending to be a mighty hunting dog, when really he couldn’t find a tennis ball if you waved it in his face. But I became really fascinated (I’m ashamed to say…) with stumps of huge fallen trees. Animals had obviously burrowed under them and made new homes but they made me feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland and I was half tempted to go hunting for the white rabbit! Unfortunately, I think if I had done that, at best I would’ve been faced with an angry badger, not an unpunctual bunny.
Friday – This is me pretending to look forlorn and deep. When really I was just bored on the train, with a camera in my hand. This happens more than I care to admit, but still, I like this photo.
Saturday – I got assessment feedback on Friday that made me really happy, but it made me so happy I kept rereading it on Saturday….and sunday…and yesterday… and today…. I’ve never gotten such praise for my school work in all my years and the fact that the lecturer even wrote ‘WOW!’ just made me even more giddy. Allow me a moment to bask in my nerdiness.
Sunday – We went to a place called ‘The Food Factory’, which as the name suggests wasn’t the finest of dining experiences… the food wasn’t bad, but then it wasn’t exactly good either. It was edible. What did amuse me was the sign warning me that egg fried rice contained egg, which did make me understand a bit better what kind of customers they attract… Why have a taken a picture of the air vent? Well, every time I see these at places I stare at them a bit longer than I should in the hope that one day I will see Bruce Willis scrambling through it, I’m not sure what I will do should that day happen but it doesn’t stop me waiting. The day ended with what looks like me drinking wine with my eye and pretending to lick the Squishy Lamb, the way all weeks should end…
Oh, and that plane you see there… I made that plane and it is amazing. It flies and it even does somersaulting flight tricks. This made so happy I yelped in the ‘factory’, causing everyone to look at me with confused concern…